A Dignified Ending by M. D. M. Cohen

Author:M. D. M. Cohen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Published: 2019-05-09T03:01:46+00:00

18

Caring Friends

As they were ushered into the living room of The Woman’s elegant, prewar Manhattan apartment near Central Park, Dr. Richard (Dick) MacDonald and the volunteers from the Caring Friends program were jittery. The latter had taken part in the first training of the organization, but they didn’t really know what to expect.

Like a classic diva, The Woman lay on an elegant settee looking impossibly sophisticated. She lived in an attractive residence that had high ceilings, thick walls, elegant plaster ornamentation, and generously proportioned rooms. She was a self-possessed, well-informed, highly educated, and cultured person in her early sixties, and the visitors were aware that she had been a successful executive in the fashion industry. But she immediately put her visitors at ease with a gracious smile and warm greeting.

The Woman knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted to die. But first, she wanted to celebrate. Whether you call it a party or a living wake, she wished to spend the next couple of days with her husband, best friends, and the small group of invited guests from Caring Friends. The latter provided her with confidence that she could effectively choreograph her death. Everyone present had come to support her “final exit.”

When Dick told me this story, he simply called her “The Woman,” so, I will, too. I asked if he wanted me to alter any of the details out of confidentiality concerns. Pausing to think about this, he replied in the negative. So, this account is taken almost verbatim from our interviews, and it offers a window as to the Caring Friends program in the 1990s. It is important to emphasize the service was provided solely to Hemlock members who often resided where there were no legal protocols for aid in dying. The state of New York, for example, has never passed a death-with-dignity law, and assisted suicide continues to be listed as a crime.

The Woman was married for many years and had no children. Her husband was considerably older than she and not in especially good health. It was apparent that after her death, he would almost certainly need to move to an assisted-living facility or make some other arrangements.

Five additional women arrived, who comfortably wandered in and out of the different rooms of the apartment. The six had been the closest of friends since college. They had spent nearly half a century intimately connected to each other in ways that only true female friends are able, and they had shared thrills, disappointments, tragedies, and the high and low points of careers, marriages, illnesses, and childrearing. The six women intended to use this opportunity to revel in the many years of memories that intertwined their lives.

All the assembled were prepared to respect the wishes of their dear host. The Woman had let it be known that she wanted to go out in style, and they were ready to share in a bountiful feast of the finest foods and alcohol.

This was the inaugural case for the newly formed Caring Friends program.

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